You Are Always on My Mind Read online

  “I want to see you again,” he said in a rush. The perfect kiss they’d shared gave him courage. No, he hadn’t forgotten who he was or where he came from. But when a chance comes along for a man to better himself, he’d be a fool to let it pass him by. Harper was a lady and he wanted to spend every possible moment with her. Or at least until she figured out he wasn’t worth the trouble. “Could I come by and meet your grandmother?” Most Southern girls wanted you to meet the family.

  His request stunned Harper, it also delighted her. A real date? With a nice boy? When would that ever happen again? “Okay, yes. Could you come for tea tomorrow?” Tea? Was she bonkers? Boys didn’t drink tea. Heck, she didn’t even drink tea. “A coke maybe?”

  Revel smiled. “A coke or tea or coffee—hell, swamp water—I don’t care.” Laughter bubbled from his lips. “Being with you is all that’s important.”

  Six weeks later - their first time

  It proved to be a long, hot Louisiana summer—the words more true than anyone else would ever suspect. To Revel’s surprise, after the fais-do-do and his formal introduction to Clotille, he and Harper became inseparable. Which in itself, was a type of miracle, especially since Clotille Deveraux was closer to Weezer from Steel Magnolias as anyone could get and not be Shirley MacLaine. But for some reason she took a shine to Revel and that was a good thing, especially since he’d taken an even bigger shine to Harper.

  Every spare moment he’d been able to grasp, he spent at Wildwood. If he couldn’t be at her home, he’d taken Harper swimming, hiking or out to eat. Anywhere and everywhere, it didn’t matter, just so long as they were together. And when they were together—well, the heat was on. They’d kissed, made out, lingered at first base and camped out on second. He’d explored every millimeter of her body above her waist and let his fingers dance from her toes to her thighs. Touching her was pure pleasure. But he’d managed to keep sacred that area of his intense obsession, that Promised Land between her legs. Until today.

  Revel stepped out of the too-small shower and toweled himself dry. He was so excited, he laughed at his predicament. It was hard to pull on his underwear when his dick was as big as a baseball bat. Their decision to consummate their relationship had been a mutual one. Revel hadn’t wanted to rush her, but he needed to know she was his before she went home and before he deployed. Yes, the impossible had happened. He might have a chance with the most perfect girl in the world. Making love with her would seal the deal for him, for her too hopefully. She wanted him, he could tell. She came to his arms as eagerly as he welcomed her. And kissing her, touching her breasts, sucking her nipples—nothing had ever satisfied him more. He wanted no other woman. If this was all he could ever have with Harper, he’d be blessed. But he was selfish, he wanted it all.

  He wanted Harper. More than anything.

  Over at Wildwood, Harper took her time getting ready. She was shaking, she’d had three showers and washed her hair twice. To the outside observer, one would think she was a nervous virgin, dreading her first time with a man. In a way, that was true. This was her first time with a man, the other times had been with a monster. It hurt her to think that—but it was true.

  Would Revel know? Would he be able to tell? There would be no hymen. She hadn’t been penetrated in almost six years, but she wasn’t untouched. She wasn’t pure. Dread filled her chest. She didn’t want to lie to Revel. But what choice did she have? If she told him the truth, he’d walk away. She’d seen it happen too many times before.

  Harper was giving herself to him. She didn’t know how much value the gift was worth, but it was all she had. The only thing she couldn’t afford to give him was the truth. But oh, she wanted him. Or at least she wanted to try. Just to know what it was like to be loved by someone good like Revel was worth everything.

  Since she’d been spending time with him, Harper had felt more and more guilty over hurting herself. In a way, it was helping. The anxiety attacks, if that was what one could call them, seemed to come less frequently than before. Now she spent more time drawing, something she loved to do. Sketching had always come naturally, bringing to life things she admired or dreamed about was soothing. Still, when the pain she lived with became unbearable, Harper burned herself or made tiny cuts on her skin with a knife. She knew it was wrong, she wasn’t stupid. The odd thing was that when she did those things, it served as an outlet, a way for the pain to escape. It made things better. So, when she couldn’t deal—she did what she had to do.

  Each time she gave in to the compulsion, he noticed and it worried him, it seemed to hurt Revel more than it did her. He would urge Harper to be careful, saying, “What am I going to do with you? Please take better care of yourself. You belong to me.”

  Harper had never considered that her actions could affect anyone else. Oh, her grandmother fussed and hovered, calling her a cute klutz. But Revel took it to heart. Any bruise, burn or cut she placed on her own body seemed to manifest on Revel, if not physically, then emotionally. If only she could find some outlet for the pain that wouldn’t hurt him.

  With shaking hands, she sat in front of the vanity and applied a little makeup. With a smile, she acknowledged that there wasn’t a lot of reason to wear lipstick. Revel was just going to kiss it off. This thought made her smile. Her good mood made the haunting memories that caused her pain seem farther away. Tonight would be special, so she wanted to look special. The dress she’d chosen to wear was the sexiest one she owned to her estimation. A creamy yellow sundress, low cut with tiny spaghetti straps. Easy on, easy off. And to commemorate the occasion, Harper had slipped into the Dry Goods store in town and bought the sheerest, laciest bra and panties they carried.

  From reading Cosmo, she’d learned that guys liked the close-trimmed look, so she’d taken care of that detail since there was no spa in Loreauville, Louisiana. She’d also perfumed, lotioned and pampered herself until she was creamy soft and smelling like honeysuckle. So, she hoped she was good enough. She hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed.

  Two weeks prior, he’d taken her to Lafayette. They’d stopped at the mall and she’d pulled him into one of the photo booths and they’d taken some silly pictures together. Next, Harper had taken a step on faith and asked Revel to take her to the free clinic where she’d seen a doctor for a birth control prescription. Neither she nor Revel needed further complications in their life. He was about to go into the service and she would be going to college soon. Even if she entertained impossible dreams, Harper didn’t know what the future held. With her history, it wouldn’t be fair to enter into a relationship without confessing her sins. Since she knew there was no absolution for her, why bring someone else into her nightmare?

  Once she was ready, Harper went to the formal front room where her grandmother sat in her rocking chair reading. “Where are you two going tonight?” she asked without looking up.

  “I’m not sure.” Which was the truth. “To get something to eat, maybe see a show.”

  Clotille looked up at her over her glasses. “Do you want to talk…about sex?”

  If her grandmother had started speaking Chinese, Harper wouldn’t have been more shocked. Damn, her psychic tendencies. “No!” she answered, askance.

  Laying down her book, which to Harper’s surprise was a romance novel, Clotille held her gaze. “This young man is a keeper. I’m not saying the two of you should be getting married anytime soon…”

  Harper couldn’t stand it. “Stop, Grandmother. You know I can’t.”

  A look of affront came over Clotille’s face. “I know no such thing! There’s nothing wrong with you that love can’t heal. And Revel Lee Jones is just the man to do it.”

  “We’re just having a good time, it’s nothing serious,” she offered lamely.

  Looking at her almost accusingly, Clotille came to Revel’s defense. “That boy isn’t looking for just a good time. And you deserve more. I’ve heard you crying in your room at night. I’ve held you when you couldn’t sleep. I know you. You think you’re s
oiled, like a used tissue, only good to be discarded. What your father and mother did to you will always hurt. But it didn’t change the real you. You weren’t responsible for what happened, your body is just as virginal as any woman who ever wore white. What you endured was abuse, ill-use—not sex. Think of yourself as having been in an accident, which you survived.”

  Clotille Deveraux’s words weren’t lost on Harper. “Yes, ma’am.” She nodded her head, as if in agreement. She might be young in years, but she was old in heartache. Nothing her grandmother was saying was new. Harper had been saying the same things to herself. The only problem was—she didn’t believe them. Harper had one major problem, she hadn’t been able to forgive herself.

  A knock on the door broke their silence. She checked the big grandfather clock against the hall wall. He was a half hour early. Harper silently hoped he hadn’t been standing outside eavesdropping. Well, she would know as soon as she opened the door. No one could keep knowledge like that from showing on their face unless they’d had years of practice like she had.

  “Are you ready?” Revel asked with a big smile, his excitement front and center. No one could miss it.

  Harper grinned, keeping her hand on the screen door to keep him out. He was hard and he was big enough that Clotille wouldn’t need her glasses to see the swollen package in his jeans from across the room. “Yes, I am. We’ll be back, Grandmother,” she called.

  “Be safe. And remember what I said.”

  The voice carried out on the porch, as they ran down the steps hand in hand. “What did she say?” he asked curiously.

  “Oh, she was trying to give me the sex talk,” which was basically true.

  “Oh, Lord.” Revel laughed. “I’d like to have been a fly on the wall for that.” As soon as Revel led her past where the porch lights could reach, he stopped and pulled Harper into his arms. “Sorry I’m early, but I couldn’t wait. Knowing I’m going to have you tonight has me chomping at the bit,” he confessed with a laugh.

  “Me too.” Harper could admit that much. “Where are we going to do it?” she asked, not knowing what to expect.

  “Come on, I’ve got a surprise.” He guided her to his truck and opened the door, helping her in, kissing her as he gave her the seatbelt, seeing she was safely buckled in.

  When he was behind the wheel, he gave her a wink, started the engine and pulled away. The drive from Wildwood through the swamp was a beautiful one in the moonlight, but they only had eyes for each other.

  With every revolution of the tires, Revel’s excitement level rose until it was at an incredible high. He wanted Harper more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. “We’re going to make love.” He said the words as though he couldn’t believe them. “I rented us a room at the motel in New Iberia and I’m having food delivered.”

  Harper shivered, her anticipation was as great as Revel’s. She wanted to be with him, she was ready to be with him. If only her guilt wasn’t spiraling out of control. What were the rules in situations like this? What if she froze up or freaked out when they began…

  “Does that sound good?” Revel asked and Harper understood that he’d been waiting for her to react.

  Her heart melted for him. He deserved so much more than Harper Summers. Maybe she could tell him some of it, just not all. “I’m scared.” There—that was the truth if ever there was truth.

  Revel turned on to the main road and increased his speed. He’d known she was innocent, it was written all over her face. The first time he’d seen her, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. But even in the midst of the instant attraction, Revel never lost sight of the fact she was fragile. Special. Leaning over, he took her hand, incredulous. “Scared? Don’t you know I would never hurt you? Not in a million years.”

  She knew. Running her hand over her eyes, Harper tried to hide from him, even from herself. “You don’t have to say that. That’s not what I meant. I never thought you would.”

  “We’ll take it slow,” Revel promised. “Just think of what we’ve been doing, that’s all been good. Right?”

  Harper squeezed his hand and nodded. “Yes, it’s been more than good.” Just remembering his mouth on her nipples, how amazing his suckling of her breasts had been, there was no doubt he could fly her to the stars. “I trust you,” she said softly.

  “And I’ll never betray that trust,” he assured her. He would cherish Harper. Never would he treat her the way his mother had been treated. “Never.” The rest of the ride was made in near silence as they both imagined what the rest of the night held.

  But neither had even come close…

  The food hadn't been that good. Probably because they were both too excited by what was to come next. Finally, after having eaten as much of the cold baked potato and overcooked steak as she could, Harper threw up her hands. “Revel, make love to me already!”

  His body went completely still, he was as shocked at what she’d said as Harper was—how had she been so bold? She didn’t have time to come up with an answer, because in the next breath, she was flat on her back with Revel on top of her. “Are you sure?” he whispered.

  No, she wasn’t sure—she was nuts. This was probably a horrible idea. But he felt so good on top of her, nothing like…

  Harper shook her head, dispelling bad memories. “I want this.”

  “Your mouth is saying ‘yes’, but you’re shaking your head ‘no’.” Revel laughed.

  Harper looked up into his eyes, her breaths shallow because the weight of his wide hard chest kept hers from expanding. “Ignore my head, the rest of my body is on board.” She pulled his shirt from his belt and ran her hands up the smooth bare skin, both enjoying the contact and attempting to assure him of her willingness.

  “Oh, Bright Eyes,” he breathed, realizing he pretty much had her at his mercy. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  “You can kiss me now,” Harper announced, attempting to get the show on the road while she still had her courage worked up.

  “Fuck, yeah.” Revel didn’t need further encouragement. He lowered his lips to hers as she wound her fingers in his hair.

  Harper didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. His kiss wasn’t as voracious as they’d been in the past few weeks. Now, he seemed more controlled. Revel was taking his time, exploring her mouth with soft, deep, sweet kisses. As he drank from her lips, his fingers were busy undoing and removing her clothes. Harper cooperated, lifting her hips, raising her arms, doing what she could to help them both until only their underwear covered their nakedness.

  Revel kept his eyes on hers, as if he was saving the sight of her scantily clad body as a delayed pleasure. Harper wasn’t as disciplined, she let her hands move over his skin, continuing on the path they’d traveled earlier, relishing the tracing of each muscle. “Touch me back,” Harper encouraged, wondering if she was wrong to be so vocal. Before she could stop them, her mother’s words came back to haunt her… Temptress, Lolita, slut. “Or not,” she finished lamely.

  “Don’t rush me,” he growled, “I’ve been wanting this for so long.”

  His explanation soothed her as he gave her what she asked for. His hands glided over her arms, down her sides, as if he was blind and using his touch to see her shape. “What do you have on?” he whispered against her neck where he was sucking lightly at her flesh, tracing the dip at her collarbone with his tongue.

  “I bought new lingerie.” Harper felt him smile against her skin before he returned to her mouth and plied her with more drugging kisses, more tantalizing touches which made her quiver. Harper moved impatiently beneath him.

  “I’m going to enjoy seeing it, enjoy taking it off you.” Slowly, he moved down her body, kissing a trail down her throat to her delicate décolletage. “Beautiful,” he groaned when he eyed the lace covered mounds of her breasts. Gently, he reached beneath her and undid the clasp, moving the straps from over her shoulders and down her arms.

  “I love this,” Harper murmured, anticipatin
g what he was about to do. His thumb grazed her nipple as he returned to her mouth, his kiss more urgent and demanding.

  Harper was fully in the moment. She kissed him back, her tongue tangling with his as he rubbed her breasts, plumping them, pulling at the nipples in a rhythm that made the hard button between her legs throb with intensity. Arching her back, she let him know how perfect what he was doing felt to her. Feverishly, her hands moved over his body, up and down, her fingernails leaving tiny marks of possession. She even let them wander low, slipping under the waistband of his briefs, kneading into the flesh of his ass.

  “Fuck, baby,” he groaned when she touched him. He stilled, giving her time to do what she willed. When her palm skated back over his waist, he sat up, for the first time letting his eyes rake over her body. With an almost predatory gleam in his eye, he took both of her nipples between thumbs and forefingers and rolled them, pulling, tweaking.

  Beneath him, Harper melted. She writhed and squirmed, the pleasure he was giving her was exquisite. She pushed her chest up, flaunting her breasts, whimpering for more. “Revel, Revel,” she whispered, almost incoherently.

  “What do you want, Harper Summers?”

  “You,” she mouthed, the word barely audible. Weeks of arousal were building to something…something she’d never experienced before.

  “You’re going to get me, all of me you can handle—but first…” He took her hand and brought it to the ridge of his cock. “I need you to not be afraid of me.”

  Harper looked from his eyes down to where her hand rested. Despite the hell she’d been through, she knew so little about a man. “Take these off.” She tugged at his underwear.

  “Hell, yes.” As big as he was, he did some quick athletic move and the offending garment was long gone. Then, he was right there—in touching distance. And his eyes were begging Harper to put her hands on him.

  Holding her breath, she wrapped her palms around his hard cock. “Oh, I like this.” And she did, she liked it a lot. It was nothing like…. With forceful determination, she focused on the here and now. “Come down here to me, Revel.” Harper held up her head and he came, burying his head in her neck. She shivered as he kissed her, her hand instinctively stroking his cock. “Kiss me, please.” She breathed a sigh of relief when he turned his head and gave her what she needed.