You Are Always on My Mind Read online

  One day when visiting Wildwood, she found the strength to tell her grandmother what was going on. She’d wanted to tell for so long, she’d rehearsed the telling. Clotille was her mother’s mother and she didn’t know if the older lady would even understand what she was saying. But she had. She’d taken Harper to the doctor and then she’d gone to the sheriff.

  The Louisiana lawman told Harper she had to tell them everything. He said this was a serious accusation and he had to make sure he had the facts straight. He’d driven her home and there was a huge fight. Now, her father and mother were both dead. Her mother had said it was all Harper’s fault…right before she shot her husband then pulled the trigger that took her own life. The things she’d said, the looks on their faces. Harper would never forget them as long as she lived.

  At Clotille’s urging, Bernadette’s sister, Harper’s Aunt Eugenia and her husband, Charles Summers, had adopted Harper and moved her to Texas. She was only able to return home in the summers where she escaped to Wildwood.

  But really there was no escape, not from the memories and not from the realization of what she was. Harper was convinced that somehow, like her mother said, she’d caused all of this. She’d tempted her daddy to do bad things. It had been her fault. She was bad. She was dirty—and no amount of scrubbing could get her clean.

  Trying to blot out the pain, Harper pinched herself—hard. She needed to feel something, anything that hurt worse than the pain in her heart.

  Bowing her head, resting it on her knees, Harper cried.

  Like her mother said, she’d never be good enough.

  Never.

  CHAPTER ONE

  Revel at nineteen, Harper at seventeen…at a fais-do-do

  The fais-do-do was in full swing. A Cajun fiddle had Revel’s toe tapping. He’d been coming to these local dances since he was sixteen and he had never understood what the name Fais-do-do really meant. It was something about rocking a baby to sleep, but there were no children here. His eyes were glued to one baby-doll, but she was grown-up and filled out in all the right places.

  Harper Summers was standing alone, leaning against the wall, following the dancers with her eyes. A slow sensual smile turned the corners of her full lips up every once in a while and a dreamy expression would come to her eye. Revel could imagine she was wishing to be on the dance floor, being whirled and twirled, the skirt of her pretty red dress standing out, then falling to swirl around her legs. But so far, she had turned down three men who’d asked her to dance. He didn’t know if he wanted to be the fourth.

  This woman was nobody’s wallflower, that much he knew. If any woman deserved to be held close and cherished, Harper Summers was the one. This was the first dance of the summer and the first time she’d ever attended, as far as he knew. Revel thanked high heavens she was alone.

  Every summer he’d watched around town for her. Sometimes he’d see her around places like the grocery store or the filling station. Once he’d held the door open for her at the pharmacy, but he hadn’t had the courage to introduce himself. Usually he had the stink of sugar cane smoke on his clothes or grease from working on the truck’s engines on his face.

  But tonight—tonight they were both here and this was his golden opportunity.

  “Don’t blow it, Jones,” he admonished himself as he set down his empty beer bottle and pushed off the cypress railing with his boot. The outdoor pavilion was lit by light bulbs strung on black wire that hung lazily over the dance floor. A country Creole band performed on the back of a semi-tractor trailer, long extension cords from a small bathhouse that sat near the lazy bayou brought electricity to their microphones and amplifiers. The night air was thick with humidity and the scent of wisteria. Revel’s starched white dress shirt was sticking to his skin. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, but he didn’t know if the perspiration was from the heat or nerves.

  With more bravado than he felt, Revel walked up to where she stood. Their eyes met. She was almost a foot shorter than he was, he’d shot up last year, now he topped six foot by at least a couple of inches. “You’ve got the biggest dark eyes I’ve ever seen, yet they sparkle like jewels,” he said out of nowhere, the thought popping into words before he could stop them. Revel watched a blush bloom on her cheeks. Mercy! She was pretty. “May I have this dance?” He held out his hand.

  Fully expecting to be turned down, Revel held his breath.

  But to his surprise, she smiled, letting two dimples appear near the corners of her mouth. Catching the plump lower lip with her top teeth, she gently laid her hand in his. “Thank you, you may.”

  He pulled her close to his body. At first she was stiff and tense against him. Maybe she hadn’t danced with too many people. Revel let his fingers play in the soft silken strands of her hair, thrilling at the soft contented sounds she made. As he’d wished, his touch coupled with the mesmerizing music worked its magic on Harper and she relaxed against him. She pressed into him, the frilly full skirt she wore flowed against his legs and Revel had to steel himself to not get hard. He’d do anything not to scare her off so soon. Revel didn’t know much about romance. He knew more about sex than he did hearts and flowers. Three years ago he’d lost his virginity with Nell Prejean and he’d been with a dozen other girls since. He was good in the sack—he’d been told so a hundred times. But that was practice, sowing wild oats, perfecting his technique. This, whatever this was, was what it had all been leading up to. “I’m Revel, Revel Lee Jones and you’re Harper Summers.” Harper’s lilting laugh made chill bumps skitter over his skin. He pulled her closer, inhaling her light perfume.

  “You know who I am?” she asked in a soft voice, looking up into his face.

  “Yes, of course I do, you’re hard to ignore.” Revel felt his own cheeks grow warm.

  “You’re embarrassing me.” Harper dipped her head. Bless her grandmother for making her come tonight. She’d said this was the night for new beginnings. Hopefully she was right. Harper was ready for something good to happen.

  “I didn’t mean to,” Revel whispered. “I just think you’re pretty. We live fairly close, you know,” he went on to explain. “I’ve seen you around. Everybody knows your grandmother, Clotille.”

  Harper’s smile faded for a moment. Please God, don’t let him know about my parents. “Yes, I’ve seen you around too. I just didn’t know your name,” she admitted in a shy voice. Who could miss him? He was the best-looking guy she’d ever seen. His chiseled face was bad-boy handsome with Creole black eyes and hair. He wore a close trimmed beard, more scruff than anything, but on him it was so sexy she trembled. “I don’t live here anymore, just during the summers.”

  “Fitting, with your name and all,” he said, inanely. “Summers is here during the summers.”

  Harper thought the handsome hunk must be trying to make her laugh, so she smiled again. She didn’t like her adopted last name of Summers, but she sure didn’t want to use her father’s last name of Duhon. Harper wished she could use her grandmother’s name until she married…if she ever married, that is. According to the therapist who treated her, she’d have to work through some issues first. You think? Had been Harper’s snarky response. She’d never forget the look of pity on the woman’s face, the way she avoided touching Harper as if Harper had somehow been dirtied along the way.

  And maybe she had.

  At least Charles Summers was nothing like her real father, thank God. Charles hadn’t abused her, nothing like that. But he was super strict and super religious. He knew of her shame, of course, and he seemed determined to make sure the devil was preached from her soul. The pastor of their church was brought into their confidence and even though she’d been young, Harper realized when his Sunday sermon was crafted with her in mind. If they only knew, no one could possibly judge Harper harsher than she judged herself.

  Lifting her face to Revel, she tried to explain. “I enjoy coming to Loreauville. I’m happy here. I’d stay at Wildwood forever if they’d let me.”

 
; “Why don’t you live with your grandmother all the time?” Revel asked as he guided her off the main dance floor and down to the second level near the water. There was less light there, more intimate. Another song was playing, a different tempo this time, more of a zydeco style. But they hadn’t stopped dancing, just kept swaying to the rhythm, enjoying the sensation of their bodies touching.

  Harper’s attention was drawn to the water for a few moments. Someone was shining a flashlight out into the dark and it was reflecting on a dozen set of eyes, some big, some small. She shivered, wondering what was looking back at them. Revel ran a comforting hand down her arm. She edged closer to him and answered, “I plan on moving back here the moment I turn eighteen, which is in ten months, two days after my high school graduation. I would’ve always lived with her, if I could have. I think I could help her. The state said her health was too poor to be responsible for me, but she’s the strongest person I know.” Maybe not, she adjusted her thinking when her fingers molded the hard muscle of his shoulder. “Except for you, you’re massive.” Immediately, Harper blushed. It was true, if the seams of his shirt held without ripping apart it would be a miracle. “Sorry, my mouth works faster than my brain sometimes.”

  Revel laughed, relieved to know she would soon be legal. “No offense taken. I like that you noticed. I toil in the cane fields. The load can be back-breaking, but I do get a good workout.” He let his thumb caress her palm. Touching her, just this much, this innocently had him rock-hard and ready. “I think you’re beautiful, Harper Summers.”

  Harper bowed her head, his compliment causing her face to flame.

  “Hey, why the sad face?” He dipped his head till their foreheads touched. “You’re much too pretty to frown.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Oh, yes, you are,” Revel insisted. “Do you want to know who you look like?”

  “Who?” She didn’t know if she wanted to hear this.

  “That actress who played in Twilight, Ashley Green I think her name is. She played the vampire’s sister, the one who pitched when they played baseball.”

  “I saw it, but I didn’t notice,” she stammered, so aware of him she felt her pulse race.

  “Too busy looking at Edward and Jacob, huh?” He teased and she blushed anew.

  Looking up at him, she held his gaze, watching the play of light across his face. “You make those guys in the movie look like junior high boys. You’re a man.”

  At a loss for words, Revel tightened his hold on her, more anxious than she knew to show her how much of a man he was.

  After that, Harper didn’t know if her feet even touched the ground. They danced every dance together. She could have never imagined a more magical time. As the night wore on, he held her tighter and tighter. Soon, their bodies were pressing together. Harper could feel his erection lying heavy between them. And the crazy thing was—it didn’t scare her. Not like she thought it might. Not like the therapist said it would. Sadly, even that realization bothered her. Shouldn’t she be scared? Turned off? Had her mother been right, and she’d invited her father’s attention?

  Child protective services insisted she have counseling before the adoption, but Eugenia only allowed the bare minimum. She’d said she didn’t want family business bantered about. Charles had agreed, he’d said church was therapy enough. Harper hadn’t argued, being forced to reveal her embarrassing secrets was painful. One thing she did remember was the therapist’s concern that she might never be able to have a normal family life. At the time, Harper hadn’t really understood what she was talking about. But now, Harper did know. She’d had sex with her father, she’d been raped—sometimes she’d struggled and sometimes she hadn’t. What was the use?

  So, she knew what Revel’s being stiff down there meant. He desired her. The knowledge made her feel funny. She wasn’t sure if she liked it or not. But she did like him, Harper knew that much. He was nice. Maybe they could be friends. “Are you still in school?”

  Her question brought Revel out of his daze. He’d been mesmerized by their bodies moving together in time with the music. “I graduated last fall,” he confided. “I helped my dad until he passed away.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” She placed her palm on his face, offering comfort. Harper understood losing a father, even if it was in the horrible way she had.

  “It’s okay. He’s better off.” And so was Revel. Sometimes no father was better than one who caused more trouble than he was worth. Dempsey Jones had been eaten up with cancer, some said it was the sugar cane disease. Truth was, many of the workers were coming down with mesothelioma. Some thought a substance in the cane released as it burned was proving to be as poisonous as asbestos. “I’ve been taking a few night classes down at the college, but I’m planning on enlisting in the Marines before long.”

  Harper’s heart sank in her chest. “You’re leaving?” She couldn’t keep the disappointment from her voice if she tried.

  “Not till after summer is over, we have time.” His breath hitched in his throat, wondering how she would take his assumption that she wanted to spend time with him. “Besides, I’ll be back on leave. I won’t be gone forever.”

  “Okay. Good.” Even though she knew they could have no future, his assertion brought her a type of peace. “I understand wanting to get away, I dream of going to Paris someday.”

  Revel took her evident relief as a good sign. “Maybe you’ll go on your honeymoon. If the guy who is lucky enough to marry you has any sense, he’ll take you.”

  She smiled, too shy to look at him.

  “Come with me.” He led her from the floor to a darkened corner of the platform, a step or two nearer the water than before. Down here, the music was muted and they could hear the frogs and the crickets. Even the occasional bellow of a bull alligator. A few white and yellow water lilies were blooming near the bank. Revel had the sudden urge to pick one for her. But he didn’t. He was afraid to walk away, afraid she’d disappear like some ephemeral dream he’d conjured up in his imagination.

  She went with him willingly, never turning loose of Revel’s hand. Would he kiss her? Did she want him to kiss her? For tonight, just for a little while, she wanted to pretend that nothing bad had ever happened. Revel turned her so they faced, his hand gliding up her arm, caressing her skin. She flinched when he touched one of the sore places, one of the spots that hadn’t healed on the tender skin of her inner wrist.

  “Sorry, did I hurt you?”

  “No, I burned myself on the curling iron.” It was a lie. She hid it well. To her utter shock, he lifted her hand and kissed the palm, then moved his lips on to the hurt place and kissed it. “There, all better.”

  Funny. At that moment, for Harper, it was all better. She felt a release of something in her chest. A weight that had settled on her shoulders like a heavy mantle was lifted. With a breathy sigh, she wrapped her arms around his strong neck and hugged him. “Thank you.”

  Revel was enchanted. She was so pretty, so soft. She felt so good in his arms. No other girl he’d ever known seemed half as feminine, half as sexy. Harper Summers had just succeeded in wrapping him around her little finger. “Can I kiss you, Bright Eyes?”

  Oh, God. Should she? Would it be like kissing someone and not telling them you had a cold? Deep inside, her heart wilted. What she had was worse than a cold, she was tainted. The actions of everyone other than her grandmother who ever found out the truth made her feel that way…but if he didn’t know, if he never knew—or if she vowed to tell him later—was it wrong? Please don’t let it be wrong. “Please.”

  One word was all he needed. Revel drew her close. She was so small. He wanted to fight her battles for her. “I can’t wait. I’ve wanted this from the first moment I saw you,” he whispered as he framed her face, bending down, their breaths mingling.

  The first touch of his lips made her jump the tiniest bit, but he only urged her closer. His body was big and warm, and when his arms enveloped her, she felt sheltered. No harm could reac
h her here. Harper let herself relax against him—she wanted to enjoy.

  And there was much to celebrate.

  His mouth caressed hers, his lips moving back and forth like a feather, letting her get used to his nearness. Tentatively, she kissed him back, letting her mouth move over his, a joining, a clinging. When he took her top lip between his and sucked, his tongue teasing, she grew weak and Revel had to hold her tighter to keep her upright.

  He didn’t seem to mind.

  A hunger was mounting in Revel. This wasn’t his first rodeo, but he would bet his bottom dollar this was her first kiss. So, he wanted to make it more—make it special for her. Which meant he was going to take his time, even if it killed him. “You’re so sweet,” he murmured, kissing the corner of her mouth. When she turned her head slightly to intercept him, he had to smile. “So sweet.”

  Harper pressed her lips to his, kissing the best she knew how. She wanted him to open up, really kiss her like couples did in the movies. So she opened her mouth, invited him in and hoped he wanted to stay.

  The sweetness of her kiss made his blood run hot. And when she parted her lips, the tip of her tongue darting out to play, he couldn’t hold back a moment longer. With a swift move, he crushed her to him, taking the kiss from innocent to serious in half a heartbeat. Moving his mouth over Harper’s he claimed her, delving into her sweetness and tasting everything she had to offer. A moan came from deep in his throat, and he cupped the back of her head with one hand while the other anchored her to him by fitting snuggly at the small of her back.

  Harper’s head was spinning. This kiss was so much more than she expected—she didn’t feel tarnished, she felt uplifted, validated. It was as if Revel Jones was a mighty wind blowing away the clouds of her past. She clasped onto him, keeping their lips sealed until they had to break for breath. “Oh, my…I…want...” She couldn’t get the words out. Her whole body was tingling, her thoughts were hopping like Mexican jumping beans.