Big Easy (Cowboy Craze) Read online

  “Can’t do what?” he asked, a sinking feeling hitting him in the gut. “You don’t want to be with me?”

  As if a channel opened between them – Jewel felt what he felt. Tenderness. Disbelief. Confusion. Disappointment.

  “I’m sorry.” Jewel didn’t know what else to say. “It’s not about what I want, it’s about what’s best.”

  “Best? Best for who?” He couldn’t fuckin’ believe this.

  Seeing he was getting upset, Jewel backed a few steps away from him. “I’m afraid…”

  “Afraid? Afraid of me?” Easy asked, his voice raised. “I’d never lay a hand on you!”

  Now, she could feel horror and dismay coming off him in waves.

  “No, no, that’s not what I meant,” she told him. “I’m afraid I’m going to fall for you.” Okay. She was lying. She’d was already head over heels for him – but she knew the heartbreak could be much, much worse. After all, she’d seen the cards.

  “Fall for me?” he whispered.

  Did she sense hope? No! Stop! Jewel closed her eyes and placed her palms over her ears, trying to force a mental barrier to block his thoughts and to keep herself sane.

  Suddenly, her hands were being held in his. “Look at me, treasure.”

  Jewel didn’t want to. She was sure he’d be able to read her feelings in her eyes as easily as she could hone in on his.

  “Look at me, Jewel,” he commanded for the second time.

  Doing her best to mask her emotions, she opened her eyes to meet his.

  “You have feelings for me?”

  His question hit her like a wet washrag to the face. “Of course, I had feelings for you!”

  “Had feelings? It’s too soon for past tense, treasure.”

  She ignored his question. “I couldn’t have slept with you otherwise, Easy.” A knot in her throat forced a pregnant pause. “I’m not like you.”

  “You’re not like me,” he mused, repeating what she said. “Is that what this is about?” Easy stepped back and held up his hands as if to stop an onslaught. “My past?”

  Jewel felt like her heart was being fed through a wringer. Somehow, she hadn’t imagined him reacting this way – like he cared. Still, she couldn’t ignore what she knew, what she’d seen in her mind’s eye. “The past isn’t past with you, Easy. It’s who you are.”

  He waved his hand in the air with frustration. “Just a few minutes ago, you were saying what a good man I was. Which is it, Jewel? You can’t have it both ways. Either I’m a good man or a scoundrel.”

  “Oh, Easy, you know a person can be good and still have his faults. You – like a million others – are proof of that. I’m proof of that.” She closed her eyes in shame. “Knowing the truth, I still chose to take advantage of you.”

  “You used me.”

  Guilt and disquiet flared within her. “Like you’ve used – how many others?”

  Easy shook his head, his hands on his hips. “Don’t lump yourself in with those women, Jewel.” He glared at her hard. “I didn’t.”

  “Don’t.” Jewel held out a hand to him, then dropped it. “Don’t be angry. You wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with you.”

  “That’s right. I did.” He moved a step closer, holding up one finger, his chest heaving with emotion. “What we did together meant more than some…”

  “One-night stand?” Jewel asked, more exasperation evident in her voice than she wished for there to be. “That’s your specialty and all I expected from you.”

  Easy was doing his best to maintain his cool, this was too important to lose his temper. “Did you want more? What did you expect? A proposal?”

  Anger flared in Jewel. “No, not a damn proposal.” Liar. Liar. “I like you. I wanted you, it’s that simple. I have no illusions about romance for myself and I know you’re incapable of feeling anything more than…”

  “Attraction? Desire? Lust?” He stared at her beautiful face, the ache in his chest growing more uncomfortable by the second. “Don’t tell me what I’m capable of feeling. You might be able to see a few things – but you’re not God, you can’t know the depths of my heart. My soul.”

  Jewel studied his eyes, unsure of what she was seeing reflected there. “Sometimes I wish I couldn’t see anything. Sometimes it hurts to know the truth.”

  “There’s one thing you aren’t taking into account.” Easy stood before her, every muscle tensed, speaking just above a whisper. “A person can change, treasure. For the right reasons, a person can change.”

  Jewel felt a sense of loss seeping through her bones like a penetrating fog. “Look, Easy, I don’t want to fight with you. This is my mistake. I’m the one who gave into temptation.”

  “Like I’m some mindless dick?”

  “I didn’t say that,” she protested. “I’m grateful to you. I owe you so much.” She kept talking even though Easy turned half away and held up his hand like he didn’t want to hear anymore. “I want to continue being your friend. Just not…”

  “Not my lover?” He scoffed. “You want us to be friends? Neighbors? Hand casseroles back and forth across the fence?”

  “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to hate me.”

  Easy swallowed hard, shaking his head, looking down at the floor. “Oh, I don’t hate you, treasure.” He chuckled. “I wish I did.” Holding up his hands in surrender, he backed all the way to the door. “I guess I’ll see you later. Be safe, neighbor.”

  Once he was gone, Jewel stopped trying to be strong. She sat down on the couch and cried like a baby.

  For Easy, the walk from her house to his seemed a greater distance than it ever had before. Once inside, he locked the door, then stood with his forehead leaning against the cool wood. Sick at heart, he began to pace around the room – trying to make sense of what happened, of what had gone so wrong. He’d been so happy. So, content with Jewel. For the first time in a long time, he’d felt like he was on the path toward something worthwhile.

  Going to the fireplace, he stared into the antique mirror over the hearth. The glass was imperfect, his image appeared distorted. Glancing down, he saw the chess game still set up, yet another piece had been moved since he’d made his last one. Well, he was tired of playing games. “Fuck!” he cried, sweeping his hand across the board, knocking all the pieces to the floor. “Well, what are you going to do now, Easy? What in the hell are you going to do now?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “What are you sitting around here for, Blackhawk? The night is young.” Determined to put some distance between himself and Jewel, Easy grabbed his keys and stalked off to his truck. He left the mess of the upset chessboard on the floor. Right now, he just didn’t give a damn.

  Not looking in her direction was difficult, but he managed to pull it off. If he threw up a little dust as he left – well, hell, he was entitled.

  The trip from Gentilly Road to the city limits of Thibodaux was made in record time. Easy knew where the speed traps were located and he drove accordingly. With one destination in mind, he managed to keep the truck between the ditches on his mission to buy a six-pack of beer. As he drove, he cranked up the radio so loud, he couldn’t hear himself think. Right now, he didn’t want to think. He was pissed. Disappointed. Insulted.

  And hurt.

  Yea, he was hurt.

  Striving to keep his mind blank, he drove until he reached the first liquor store. Heading inside, he made straight for the beer cooler to snag a six-pack of Shiner. After shutting the cooler door, he turned, and barreled right into someone – knocking them to the ground. “God, I’m sorry.”

  “No problem.” A pretty girl laughed as she held up her hand to be helped up. “I’m Marion Cole, what’s your name, cowboy?”

  “Ezekiel Blackhawk. My friends call me Easy.”

  She gave him a brilliant smile. “Well, I sure want to be your friend, Easy.”

  “Good to meet you, Marion.” He offered her his arm. “Let me pay for this beer, then we can see about ge
tting a little better acquainted.”

  …At home, Jewel wandered through the yard. She’d seen Easy leave right after they’d argued, over three hours ago. Since then, she couldn’t seem to stay inside, it felt like the walls were closing in on her. Instead, she’d retreated to the fairy garden, kneeling down to peer into the tiny doors and windows. “Come out, come out, wherever you are.”

  She sat there a moment, hoping. She’d seen one or two of the tiny beings in the past. A dancing light, flittering around and about the houses. No firefly this, the light had been larger, brighter. Unlike the bioluminescence of an insect, this light pulsed with a life of its own. Hazel spoke of them in hushed tones, the feu follet, the fee follay. While her mother was wary of them, sticking an iron knife in the wooden floor of the porch to keep them at bay, Jewel was far more curious. She didn’t believe they were souls escaped from purgatory, or the lost souls of unbaptized babies. Jewel was firmly convinced they were exactly what the Cajun folk believed them to be – swamp fairies.

  Jewel smiled, remembering how she took pictures of them, then swore she could see a tiny figure, complete with wings. Yearning for someone to play with, she’d brought them cookies and Earl Grey, setting up her own tiny tea party.

  “Are you here? I could use a friend,” she murmured as a guilty feeling made her queasy. “You had a friend – until a few minutes ago.”

  Rising, she continued her stroll around the garden. “Did I make a mistake?” Jewel was tempted to go in and do a reading on herself, see if she could gain any insight into her future. Before she garnered the courage, Hazel’s words came back to haunt her.

  Don’t pry into your own future, cher. I warn you, what you see will drive you crazy. You’ll always be trying to change what you don’t like and conjure what you do. Just voice your best intentions, then wait to see what fate has in store for you.

  “Waiting is the hard part, especially when you’ve pissed off fate a few times like I have,” Jewel muttered as she walked deeper into the shadows where darkness held sway. As she strolled down the hidden path, a disturbing idea came to mind. What if she’d already done what her mother forewarned her against? Once she’d caught a glimpse of her future in the cards, she’d set out to change it. By giving herself to Easy for one amazing night, she’d allowed herself a foretaste of things to come, then attempted to thwart the pitfalls of destiny by pushing him away.

  “Oh, stop it,” she chided herself. “What’s done is done. You hurt him. You pushed him away. Whatever powers you might have, turning back time is not one of them.”

  The sound of tires on gravel brought Jewel out of her reverie. Amidst her preoccupation, she found she’d wandered to the boundary between the two properties. Intending to retreat, she failed to move fast enough before the beams of Easy’s approaching headlights revealed her presence.

  “Hey, Jewel!”

  From the slur of his words, it was obvious he’d been drinking. She didn’t know whether to acknowledge his inebriated salutation or just continue on her way.

  “Hey, Jewel! I got something to tell you. Something that will…make you happy.”

  This brought her footsteps to a halt. “Easy, you’ve been drinking.”

  “No shit, Sherlock.” Easy barked a laugh as he swayed a bit unsteadily on his feet. “I just thought you’d want to know you were right.”

  “Right?” Jewel wasn’t sure she wanted to know what he was talking about.

  “Yea. True to form, I went out and found someone new. Got a date tomorrow night!”

  Pain and remorse lanced through Jewel. Pain at the image, remorse at the role she’d played in the whole fiasco. “Good for you, Easy. I’m sure you’ll have a good time.”

  She didn’t wait to hear more, Jewel beat a path to her own door, then slammed it hard enough to rattle the window panes.

  …Easy watched her go. “That’s right. Run away.” He started to add that she didn’t know what she was missing – but that wasn’t true. She did. “Hell. Maybe I’m not as suave and irresistible as I thought.”

  Making his way to the front porch, he held on to the bannister. “Run away,” he repeated. “See if I care.” After three tries, he managed to get the key in the lock. “Now open, you damn door.” He flung it open and went inside, not bothering to lock it behind him. To his surprise, the chessboard was set back up, all the game pieces returned to the place they inhabited before his rampage.

  His first impulse was to think Jewel had come over in his absence and put the game back up. “How considerate.” He sneered. In his alcohol induced haze, he decided he wanted to look at the camera footage to see her do it. Going to the camera, he fumbled, nearly dropping it. Once he figured what button to push, he stared at what had been recorded. Since the recording was motion activated, there wasn’t much to see. Less than five minutes. Hitting the play button, he was surprised to find nothing but static and snow. There were very brief glimpses of the board after a move was made, but the actual act of the piece being moved was never shown. At the end, the same was true for the board being returned to position. A shot of the empty table, fuzz, then a set up board. “Well, damn, par for the fuckin’ course. No way to prove anything.” He set the camera down, then leaned over to hold his head in his hands. “Maybe none of this shit is real. Maybe, what I felt for Jewel isn’t real either.”

  …Later that night, when the moon was high in the sky, Easy stared out his open window at the glowing orb. He was sober now; he hadn’t been that intoxicated to begin with. It would take a few more beers than what he’d downed to make him truly drunk. Raising up on one elbow, he looked over toward Jewel’s bedroom window. To his surprise, he could see a light shining. A glance at the clock told him it was after midnight. “I wonder if something’s wrong.” Instinctively, he reached for the phone – then drew back just before he touched it. She didn’t want to hear from him. She’d made that abundantly clear.

  Lying back, he crossed his arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. “Take a hint, hardhead. Move on.” A small smile played on his face. At least he had tomorrow night to look forward to, thanks to Miss Marion Cole. He shut his eyes and tried to recall what her face looked like. “Come on, Blackhawk,” he muttered. “Jeez.” Jerking his pillow from his head, he held it over his face. No matter how hard he tried to bring the woman’s features to mind – all he could see was beautiful Jewel Baptiste.

  “Stop it. No use torturing yourself.” With a frustrated sigh, he rose from the bed and went to lean out the window. “I know it’s not the mature thing to do, but misery loves company. I hope you miss me so much you ache, treasure.”

  …In her own bed, Jewel was wrestling demons. Not the horned, hellish kind – oh, no. She was struggling with the idea of Easy going on a date with another woman. Was she blonde? Brunette? A redhead? Did she have big boobs? “Probably.” Would he sleep with this woman? “Most likely.”

  She could hardly bear to think about it. Yet, she could think of nothing else. “Aaarrrrrgggggg! What did you expect? You pushed him away.” Yet, if she hadn’t, how much longer would he have been around? Another night or two? A week? A month? His leaving was inevitable and the longer he stayed, the more his imminent departure would’ve hurt her.

  Throwing the covers off, Jewel climbed from the bed. Maybe some warm milk would help her relax. Once she was on her feet, she glanced outside and her eyes naturally gravitated across the way toward Easy’s. She had to blink twice before she realized he was standing in the bedroom window. She knew he could see her. With a racing heart, she pivoted to click off the lamp. Why was he looking this way? Couldn’t he sleep? Could he be lonely?

  Now, cloaked in darkness, she returned to peer out the window. In the moonlight, she could still make out his form and she realized he could probably discern hers also. For a long moment, they both stood as silent sentinels. To Jewel, there seemed to be gossamer threads running between them, connecting them. She was reminded of an old childhood toy her father made for her; two ca
ns connected by string. Jewel had loved to see how far apart they could be and still talk to one another. At this moment, she felt if she whispered, her voice would travel those mystical threads and he would hear every word she spoke.

  “Easy? I’m sorry.”

  As soon as the words left her lips, Jewel saw him turn away from her, disappearing into the shadows of his room. Hanging her head, she moved away also. Any connection they may have had was gone.

  * * *

  “I didn’t know it was supposed to rain today, partner,” Jed murmured as he stood from the computer in Philip’s office.

  Easy sat down on the edge of the desk, gazing out the window at the approaching storm. “I think a tropical disturbance shifted directions during the night. What do you have going on?”

  “I have one crew discing and another planting cover crops. We’ll continue unless the weather takes a big turn for the worse. How about you?”

  “We’re branding and vaccinating today. At least we’re able to do most of the work in the barn.” Easy crossed one booted ankle over the other. “Those big metal buildings Philip brought in are lifesavers.”

  “True. Well, I hope we have clear skies by quitting time. Are you coming to the bar tonight?”

  “I am,” Easy answered with a smirk. “I’m bringing a date.”

  “Jewel Baptiste?”

  Easy stood up quickly, turning his back on Jed to head to the coffee pot. “Nope. A hot blonde I met last night by the name of Marion Cole.”

  “Oh, really.” Jed sounded intrigued. “What happened to Jewel? I got the impression you two were an item.”

  “Nah.” Easy poured a little sugar into his cup. “We had our moment. I’ve moved on.”

  “To greener pastures?” Jed chuckled. “You’re such a dawg, Blackhawk.”

  The banter between them was something Easy had heard a thousand times. This time, however, something felt different. He wanted to refute his friend’s claim. Instead, he shrugged. “I didn’t say the pastures were greener.”

  Hearing the grumbling tone, Jed laughed. “Oh, this was Jewel’s decision, not yours.” When he got no reply from Easy, he gave him a penetrating stare. “Did she look into her crystal ball and see what a wolf you are?”