A Breath of Heaven (El Camino Real Book 1) Page 8

  “He’s already gone, Abby!” Justice was frantic. “Please!” He made another grab at her, but she tore away again. And then all hell broke loose. There was a loud, shattering noise and the roof collapsed. A massive beam fell, knocking Abby down and landing across her lower abdomen and upper thighs. It was smoldering, red with intense heat. Liquefied creosote oil made the burning wood as consuming as lava. Abby screamed in agony, “Cade!”

  Justice would later say it was the most pitiful horrifying sound he’d ever heard, Abby screaming for Cade over and over again. He’d fought to get the beam off her, but it had lain atop her too long, doing its damage, burning through her clothes and ravishing her flesh, right over the place that made her a woman.

  Blessedly, Abby passed out.

  The firemen arrived. The horses were safe. Justice escaped with minor injuries to his hands, face and arms. But Abby was left with second and third degree burns below her waist. Her parents rushed to her side, frantic with worry. She was taken to the hospital in Houston, in extreme pain. But worse than the burns was the sad truth of her diagnosis. When she heard the doctors lamenting about the location of her wounds and the extent of her injuries, she’d begged her mother not to tell anyone the details. Her mother understood. Abby’s thighs, mons, and abdomen would be scarred. She’d have years of surgeries and skin grafts ahead of her, and even at that, the doctors told her she would always bear the mark of what she’d endured. Plastic surgery could only do so much in severe cases like this.

  Of the brothers, only Justice knew the full truth. When he’d come to Abby, she’d been medicated but she knew enough to swear him to secrecy. There was no way she ever wanted Cade to know she’d been burned in a frantic attempt to find him in the blaze.

  Only later did she find out his ride, Crockett, had arrived earlier than expected. His friend had been in a hurry, so Cade hadn’t been able to come tell her goodbye as he had promised. So, Abby’s assumption he’d still been in the barn had been wrong.

  When Cade learned she’d been hurt, he’d called. Abby had talked to him, but she’d flat-out lied. With his schedule and her being away at school, she was able to hide the truth of her condition from him and the younger brothers. If it was up to her, she never wanted them to know. She didn’t want their pity. It had taken almost two months, but Abby had got on her feet again and she was able to go home for Christmas.

  When she and Cade saw one another again, everything had changed. Despite his efforts to pick up where they’d left off, Abby avoided him, not answering his questions nor allowing him even one moment to be alone with her. She could tell all of this hurt him. He assumed she was no longer interested, that she’d moved on, found someone else, decided a half-breed boyfriend was not to her liking, when nothing could have been further from the truth. Abby pretended not to care, when she’d really been dying inside, knowing her life would never be the same.

  Months of hospital stays, surgeries and skin grafts had done their best, but even now there still were scars. Her parents and Justice knew how severe they were, but no one else did. Because she’d never shown anyone and she had no intention of baring herself. The scars were still too ugly for words. And that was why she didn’t date, that was why she could never marry. That was why she couldn’t have Cade. All her hopes and dreams and fantasies were now ashes.

  Over time, their relationship had evolved. Cade and Abby kept their distance, allowing themselves only minimum contact. Never saying what they were truly feeling. Honesty was sacrificed and hid behind a veil of sarcasm. The family didn’t understand. Cade didn’t understand and Abby couldn’t explain – she just endured.

  “Oh, Cade. What am I going to do?” Now he seemed to think he wanted her, and God knows she wanted him. If there was one thing that had come out of these nightmare nuptials of Jase and Pam’s, it was a clarification of their own relationship. Since that fateful day, she and Cade had snapped and fussed with one another because all of their pent-up energy and emotion had to go somewhere. Since she’d rejected him again last night, he’d disappeared. Abby presumed he was with one of her brothers, but he could have left the ranch for all she knew. She wouldn’t have blamed him if he did.

  Pushing herself off the floor, she carried the box of decorations into the living room, pushing the sad memories from her mind. Maybe tomorrow she could hunt a tree. Abby preferred a live tree instead of an artificial one and there was a section of nice cedars over near the river where the family had always harvested trees for Christmas. After the holiday was over, they put them in one of the lakes for the fish to nest in. A chill ran down her spine when she remembered Cade’s foot being lodged in one of the old stumps in the lake. When her father had chosen places to open up the creeks and dig ponds, the low-lying spots had been full of timber and large oaks. Now, she didn’t know if she’d ever swim in the lake again. The idea of Cade dying there was unfathomable.

  Again, a wave of longing swamped her body and soul. He wanted her. He wanted her. She stood at the bar and considered what that meant. Damn! What she wouldn’t give to know what it was like to be loved for just one night. Hugging herself, she imagined his arms around her, holding her, loving her. Abby knew she could never ask for forever.

  But maybe she could ask for now…

  …if she was careful.

  For the rest of the evening, Abby contemplated the possibility. The more she thought about it, the more impossible it seemed. There were wedding activities she couldn’t get out of, so she endured – paying about half attention, her mind always on Cade. At one of Pam’s wedding showers at a neighbor’s house, a party strictly held to gift the bride with sexy lingerie – it hit her. Abby endured Pam’s relatives, oohed and ahhhed over baby doll sets, thongs and sheer nighties, but when she was given a pair of crotchless panties as a party favor, she got a crazy, impossible, intriguing idea.

  Maybe she could wear clothes which would turn Cade on, yet cover her scars.

  Maybe there was a way they could make love. Darkness and the right clothing could hide a multitude of sins.

  Could she ask him? Would he be willing to do it her way? And it would only have to be the one time. If it was a complete disaster, they wouldn’t have to try again. The only thing she had to make sure was that he never knew what she was hiding.

  Abby agonized. Could she do it? Was it possible?

  Finally, Abby decided it was worth a try. Spending the rest of her life alone was her destiny. Years and years of loneliness loomed large. One night. One night with someone she loved was not too much to ask. Maybe.

  When the men came at the end of the evening to help cart the gifts and packages back to the main house for the happy couple, Cade was with Jase. The moment he walked through the door, he zeroed in on Abby.

  All right. This was it. Taking a deep breath, she shored up her courage. Walking up to him, she leaned in, closed her eyes and just let go. Leaning on his arm, she stood on tiptoe and whispered in his ear. “Cade, I’ve changed my mind. I want to make love with you.”

  Chapter Five

  You could have knocked Cade over with a feather. He stopped breathing. “Come again?” He asked her to repeat what she’d said, he had to be sure. If he’d heard Abby correctly, she’d be the one cumming again and again. When Abby swallowed, blushed, bending her head, he pleaded with her. “No, really, repeat what you said. “Please.”

  She felt herself tremble with nerves, but she answered anyway. “I want to make love to you, if you still want to.”

  Cade felt emotion cascade over his body. He felt weak with relief. “God, yes!” He couldn’t believe it, Abby wanted him to make love to her! “You won’t be sorry. I promise you that.” Playing by their old rules, he would’ve fired back with some kind of smartass remark. Not tonight. This was too important.

  “Let’s go.” Cade held out his hand. He’d gone instantly hard. His cock had received the message before his brain processed her request.

  Abby let him take her hand. She was quivering from ex
citement and a little bit of fear, but Cade made her feel safe. He always had. Her family watched as they made their exit and she gave her brothers a casual wave. They waved back, looking pleased. Nothing would suit them better than if she ended up with Cade, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. This was temporary, a one-time thing.

  God, she was nervous.

  As they left the building, standing on the porch, Cade noticed the wet ground. “Come here, baby.” He swept her up in his arms and carried her toward his truck. Abby’s heart was beating so hard, she wondered if he could hear it. Glancing up into his face, she saw a pulse point next to his mouth. Was he nervous too? Impulsively she kissed him there and a heartbeat later he turned his head and joined his lips with hers. “I can’t wait to love you.”

  “We need to talk first,” she explained evenly as he put her in the truck and shut the door.

  When he climbed into the driver’s seat, he turned on the engine. “Here.” He handed her an afghan. “Wrap up your legs. The heater won’t have a chance to get warm.”

  That was true. They didn’t have far to drive. “I’m fine. After our dip in the pond, this is the tropics.”

  He laughed, then turned solemn. “Let me straighten something out with you.” He reached for her hand and clasped it, rubbing his thumb in her palm. “I want to thank you, Abby. I didn’t handle things very well last night. You scared me so freakin’ bad. But, I owe you my life, don’t think I don’t realize that. The time I spent under those black icy waters seemed like an eternity. I knew I was dead. There was no doubt in my mind. I’d given up.” He stopped talking, letting his voice trail off, looking into the distance. “If you hadn’t come to rescue me when you did, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now. And I want you to know that it was you I thought of, how I didn’t want to leave you. Not working things out with you was my biggest regret.”

  Abby picked up his hand and kissed it. She’d analyze all of his wonderful words later, but right now she needed for him to understand something important. “Cade, there was never a question about my coming for you. I never hesitated nor thought about it twice. Not once. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” She rubbed her face against his palm. “What would I do without you? I’d be lost and bored all by myself with no one to fight with.” Knowing she’d become maudlin, Abby tried to make light of the situation.

  Cade laughed. “You aren’t by yourself, Shortcake. I’m not going anywhere. You’ve been a part of me for too long. I don’t want a life without you in it.” He squeezed her hand in understanding. “Now, what do we need to talk about?”

  They pulled up to her house, so she saved her answer until they were in the warmth of her living room. Her fireplace, already filled with wood had a gas igniter, so he flipped a switch and there was instant heat and atmosphere.

  “Do you want some hot chocolate?” She asked, delaying the moment. Tonight she’d dressed up, or at least as dressed up as Abby King could be. Soothing down the skirt of her short black cocktail dress, she watched Cade as he took off his coat. He was such a big, beautiful man. The black jeans and black western shirt he wore fit him to a tee. Couple his good looks with his reputation, no wonder companies were beating down his door wanting him to endorse them.

  “Hot chocolate? Sure.” He wanted something sweet, but it wasn’t chocolate. Abby seemed nervous, so he went along with her suggestion, even helping her fix two steaming mugs with a pile of gooey marshmallows on top.

  “Let’s sit down in front of the fire.” She threw some pillows on the floor.

  Cade maneuvered down, his bones creaking. “Man, I’m getting old.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re perfect.” Once she’d made up her mind to tell him the truth, honesty just kept bubbling out of her.

  He didn’t understand what was going on, but he didn’t need to. Cade was just thankful for this amazing turn of events – an answer to prayer. Lord, he wanted her. “I want to make it perfect for you, Abby.” The fire crackled and hissed. Abby looked everywhere but at him. She was twenty-six years old, but had an air of precious innocence. Cade was completely under her spell. “Now, what did you want to talk about?” She took a sip of the chocolate, leaving foam on her upper lip. He couldn’t resist bending over to kiss the sweetness away.

  Abby was about to pass out from the intense sensuality of the moment. Still, it was necessary to tell him her wishes. “First, I want to be with you very much, but I need for it to be in the dark.”

  Cade’s hand froze in the midst of raising his cup to his mouth. “In the dark?” Didn’t she know how much he’d fantasized about looking at her body? He sat his cup down, took off his Stetson and ran his fingers through his hair. “Why in the hell would you want us to make love in the dark?”

  “I just would, please. I need this.” Firelight danced over the room. The only other light was a lamp by the couch, but she could see him clear enough. He didn’t often remove his hat. All of the guys seemed to think it was a necessary part of their wardrobe. But when he did, she couldn’t help but stare. Cade’s hair was dark, a little on the long side and had a bit of a wave to it. Abby longed to touch it, and maybe soon she’d get the chance.

  “Don’t you realize how beautiful you are?” He sought words to convey his feelings to her. “You’re exquisite, Abby.”

  She couldn’t answer. Her voice was paralyzed.

  “Look at me.”

  Abby raised her eyes.

  The look on his face was pleading. “I know we have a history of wrangling and locking horns, but you have to realize I acted that way because I couldn’t get my hands on you. I had no other way of connecting with you.”

  “Oh, Cade.” She hugged herself to keep from reaching out to hug him. “I know, I did the same thing. Fighting with you was better than nothing.”

  “So, you realize – you can do no wrong with me.” Cade leaned forward, placing his hand on top of hers.

  “Thank you, Cade, but I need to do it this way. Please?”

  “Can you tell me why? Are you shy?” He couldn’t imagine it. She was always in the middle of anything he or her brothers did. A look of pain flashed over her face and he realized it was more. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

  “Not this.” She shook her head. Her long dark hair flowed over her shoulders like a silken waterfall, attracting his touch. “Not yet.”

  “All right. Deal.” Cade gave in. There was really no question about it. “I’ll take you anyway I can get you.”

  “There’s more.” She bit her lower lip. He waited. “I don’t want you to touch me below my waist, except—”

  “Except?” Okay. He was confused. Cade remembered her panic when she thought he’d undressed her. Something was going on. “There’s a lot of important stuff below the waist, Abilene.”

  His humorous tone made her half giggle, half cry. God, she couldn’t do this. “Never mind. Bad idea.” Shaking her head, Abby started to get up, she needed to get away. “Let’s just forget I ever mentioned this.”

  “Hell no, no, never mind.” He caught her hand, pulling her back down. Cade wanted to touch and kiss every part of her body. And he was fairly certain his cock wanted a vote in this proposal. “Help me understand.”

  “We can…make love.” There, she’d said it. “I just need to leave my clothes on, but—” God, she had so many fantasies she’d never have fulfilled.

  “I agree. It doesn’t matter. You can tell me what you want and how you want it and that’s what we’ll do.” A look of relief relaxed her pretty face. She was scared. Dammit! He was going to get to the bottom of this if it killed them both. As his mother always told him when he was small, half a loaf is better than none. Besides, he had every intention of pushing the envelope. Once he got her between the sheets, it would be a whole new ballgame. “I only want to please you, Abby.”

  “I want to please you, too.” She admitted. “Shake?” She held out her hand.

  “Shake.” He took her hand, but instead of a handclasp,
Cade pulled her over into his lap.

  “Cade, I need to get ready,” Abby protested. She wanted to go freshen up and put on the special panties and find something decent to wear on top, something she could pull down over her shoulders and free her breasts. Oh, yea, she’d put a lot of thought into this. Abby wanted as much of Cade as she could get, but she couldn’t bear for him to see or touch her scars.

  “Let me hold you just a second and then we’ll both get ready for bed. Okay?” Holding her was perfect, he rubbed his cheek on Abby’s hair, inhaling her sweet scent.

  “Okay.” With a sigh, she relaxed into his embrace and rested her head on his shoulder. “Being around you has always made me happy, you know, even if we were snarking at one another.”

  “Me too.” He chuckled. “I have a confession,” he whispered. “There was a hotel room in town. I just told Jase to tell you there was no choice but for me to stay with you because I wanted to be near you.” Cade decided not to tell her the rest of his plan, there was no use to scare her off. He was just grateful they had made this much progress.

  “Why you…” She grinned at him, then threw her arms around his neck. “I’m so glad you did.”

  “Let’s go to bed, baby. I’m gonna love you all night long.”

  * * *

  Mirrors don’t lie, but you could make them fib every once in a while if you were careful. Abby turned this way and that, making sure none of the ugliness showed. A low cut pink sleep shirt would have to do. It came down long enough to cover her to the middle of her thighs. Maybe the sexy panties would serve their purpose. For ten years, she’d avoided intimacy, turned down dates and kept herself sexually cloistered away from men – especially Cade. The times she’d turned him down were the ones which hurt the most. Embarrassment and shame over how she looked below the waist had robbed her of intimacy, tenderness and love.

  For a few more seconds she stood there, gathering her courage. So often Abby had tried to convince herself that her life was full enough. She had her work and her family. She had the satisfaction of knowing she’d saved those horses and she’d have saved Cade if he’d been there. Because of that day and what had happened to her and the horses, she’d decided to enter the field of veterinary medicine. Besides, animals didn’t judge. Of course, she’d never given anyone a chance to judge her—until tonight.